you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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