his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
