i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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