her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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