I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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