bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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