The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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