You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
