I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How external is "for external use only"?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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