I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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