Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
