now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
