You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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