Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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