3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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