david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
