For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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