i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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