you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
