Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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