Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
