I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize