She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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