Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
