What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
