So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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