I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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