She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
