Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
