i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
