i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
