imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
