Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.