she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(