Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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