I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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