there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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