I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
