he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
