idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize