It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
