Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
