just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
