um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
