So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
