why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
