i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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