Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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