do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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