How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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