His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
