is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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