So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
