i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
