so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
