when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
