There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
