ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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