why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
