i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize