youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
