I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
smell my finger.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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