i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The Olympian is in my bed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
