my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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