I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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