Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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