How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
