I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know her cup size but not her name....
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