after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
