what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
