How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
