There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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