he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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