So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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