i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
