I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
