I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
