Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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