I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
