New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
