Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She told me I should be a condom model.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
