I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
