in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dear god my vagina.
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