were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
