I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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