Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I smell like Dick and happiness
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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