did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
