My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
