Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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