clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i barfeds in our rink
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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