My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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