...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
